Revising

My blog on almost getting kidnapped needs more descriptive details. An ending and dialogue.<-- (spelled that wrong).

Kidnapped

For most kids getting kidnapped is the scariest thing that can happen to you, when you’re little. For me, it was losing my Sprint and Hi-Ci mix drink. Walking home one day at 11 o’ clock at night from McDonalds. I almost got kidnapped. Me and my sister Deja are minding are own business, not brothering no one. Well, I guess some dudes riding around thought otherwise.

It was a cold, dark night, near fall time. My sister and I were at McDonalds eating are usual chicken sandwiches, a large fry (that we share), and our usual drink large Sprint and Hi-Ci mix. When I and my sister went to McDonalds, she always harassed them about her fries being fresh. If she didn’t see them take them out of the freezer or where ever, put them in the grease, and take them out the grease. It was a fight in McDonalds.
Deja, "Can you make sure my fries are fresh. I hate when ya'll try to give someone the same old fries that have been sitting there for an hour or probably longer."
Employee," Your fries will be fresh ma'am.
Deja, "Thank you."
* 5 minutes later
Employee, "Here's your fries.
Deja would always take a bite of her fries before walking away from the counter. She didnt care if it was lunch hour and twenty people were behind her, she was getting her fries how she wanted them. The look of sour milk and horse poo in the air is how I knew the fries weren't fresh.
Deja, "These fries aren't fresh! Try again!"
Me, "Take the dang fries and come on!"
Deja, "No if I'm paying for this, I'm going to make sure I get the best quality!"
Me, (rolling eyes) "Whatever."
*5 minuetes later again.
Employee, (with attitude) "Here's your fries!"
(Deja takes a bite once again to make sure her fries are fresh.)
Deja, "Don't have no attitude. If you would have got it right the first time, I wouldnt still be standing here. (Walks away).
Deja hated how fries tasted when they weren’t fresh so she would yell and scream until they were right. I kind feel bad for them because it’s always someone new that they hire that always catches my sister’s hell. Personally, I didn’t care as long as they were hot and I had my barbecue sauce with them. Deja on the other hand had to always cause trouble. :-/ Eventually, my sister and I would sit down, after she would yell for about fifteen minutes. If my sister went some where to eat, she always ate there. NO matter what. Why? Because that was her thing. A truck could be coming for the restaurant full speed and she probably wouldn’t move.

The walk home was cold as H E double hockey sticks! Yea, I said it. Me and my sister are dumber and dumber because all we have on is hoodies. And I still have this delicious, cold drink in my hand. Deja left hers because she thought it was too cold for it. Its dark outside but not as dark as it could be because we’re by the plaza and it has lights everywhere. If you were in a helicopter, it would look like a bunch of fire fighters. Me and Deja are walking and we see a tow truck. Tow truckers would always stop there to sleep because they knew everyone was scared of them and no one care if they were there as long as they didn’t mess with no one.
Me, "Didn't Paige say her real dad was a truck driver?
Deja, "Yea."
Me,"I wonder if her -----"

Well, we’re looking at the tow truck, some dudes ride pass in a red truck. They’re yelling something we didn't understand and waving their arms. They sound drunk or just stupid.
Deja and I look at each other and she says
“What did they say?!”
I shrug my shoulders and continue walking. We cross the street and now we are by the police station. Which we both notice is close. Now your thinking, “How can a police station be close?!” Well guess what, it was. The police in Sharon, Pennsylvania are as worthless as George Bush during Hurricane Katrina. Pointless and slow.

We continue to keep walking when we hear a car racing toward us. It the same idiots, that passed us before yelling and waving their arms like dummies. They turn into this old building drive way and jump out of the car and start running towards us. Now me and my sister Deja are dummies because at we stand there just watching them run toward us. Then I think Deja’s light bulb went off that maybe just maybe we should be running too. So we did. When we start running they’re yelling for us to come back. Saying, “We just want to play.” In my mind I’m thinking, “Why are these idiots chasing us?!” What snapped me out my thoughts was Deja screaming
“THROW DOWN THAT STUPID DRINK SO YOU CAN RUN FASTER!”
First thing that crosses my mind and lips,
“NO!”
 This is when Deja promises that she will leave me if I don’t throw down the drink. When I turn around two of the guys are right behind me, if they reach out their arms they could have me. I throw down my delicious, cold drink and run the fastest I have in my whole life. I pass up Deja and have to go back for her. My feet are cold because I have on sandals, my drink went all over my feet, plus the chill in the air just helps it feel like -10 degrees outside. Perfect.

Remind you we are by the police station.

When we finally turn around and see that they’re not chasing us no more. We stop running. We’re both breathing like fat kids. I’m laughing at Deja because she has asthma, so she really sounds like a fat kid. J We are now around the apartment buildings we live in called “Willow Village”. When we get home, we are still breathing heavy. Deja is snapping out and  

I am from late night cards until I am sent to bed with a cold cup of milk. I am from the smell of chocolate and peanut butter all through the house. The warmth of the oven spread cheer and happiness. Lights that shine all the way down the street. Hershey kisses all around the house. I am from home made eggnog. Where the kids get the first patch and the adults get the special patch. I am from workin hard or hardly workin. Earn what you want it's never given. I am from love, pain, and faith. Love to know that family is the best thing you can have in life. Pain to know that some will go sooner or later. Faith to know that you will see them again.

1. What did you think of this narrative?
- I personallty thought the narrative was confusion because how did she have all these feelings if she couldnt hear or ssee.

2. What was most interesting or engaging about it?
- The most intereesting about this story is how she gain intelligances without sight or hearing.

3. What surprised you?
- The thing that surprised me the most was he intelligance.

4. Did this change your outlook on Helen Keller at all? Why or why not?
- This was my first time ever hearing of Helen Keller, so it gave me insight of who she was and what a brave person she was.
-5. Copy and paste three examples of vivid detail and imagery that helped enhance the story
Example 1: "I knew then that "w-a-t-e-r" meant the wonderful cool something that was flowing over my hand."
 Example2: "I was keenly delighted when I felt the fragments of the broken doll at my feet. Neither sorrow nor regret followed my passionate outburst. I had not loved the doll."
Example 3: " I tried vainly to put them together. Then my eyes filled with tears; for I realized what I had done, and for the first time I felt repentance and sorrow."

6. How can a narrative be more engaging than something like a biography? Why is it important to get someone's personal perspective?
-It is imporant for people to get some personal perspective because that helps them relate to the story.

7. Make a bulltted lists of some things you could write a narrative about
- My life
- My family
- The Adventures of SpongeBob :)

Dear. . . .,

1. I do enjoy English classes, because I'm always learning new techniques of writting and one part of me wants to write books. So English is a big part of me.

2.  The type of writting I like is letters. I think writting letters is is easy and creative. Writting shows creativity especially in letters. You can show someone how much you care about them by writting or how angry you are at them.

3.I can read anything as long as it grabs at my interest.

4.Drawing

5. B

6. I enjoy classroom discussion depending on what the classroom is discussing.

7. When there are classroom discussions I like to voice my personal opinion about it.

8. Outside of school I work at Cheryl's Cookies and Brownies.

9. Over the weekend I was sick so I was mostly at home and work.

10. Sometimes I have slow moments. So I wont get something your saying or if I ask for you t repeat again its one of my slow days.

11.